This life is for real.

So I was at the gym last week and realized that my feet were starting to hurt a little after running on the elliptical. I looked down and saw how nasty my sneakers were looking these days. I loved these things… Nike running sneakers, white with a black swoosh, little bit of red and black details. Did the job, looked decent. But they were ancient, so I decided to go to the mall where I could hopefully pick up a new pair (without having to refinance my home to pay for them).

Now I’m not an overly boring person. I like a flash of color in the things I wear. But the visual assault I encountered when I walked into Foot Locker made me want to run for the nearest food court dumpster and rehash the details of my lunch:

Can someone please tell me what in the actual F is going on here?!

Instantly I needed a Tylenol. I couldn’t look directly at the wall of sneakers or I would run the risk of torching my corneas.

With a general distaste that I could not only experience in the back of my throat but was also wearing visibly on my horrified face, I bee-lined it out of the store and headed over to Champs. Yeah… Champs must have something for me…

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

It was like déjà vu. I was stuck in every woman’s 80s flashback nightmare. I was wondering if the store also sold neon snowsuits and Aquanet. I did not stick around to find out.

I made it back out to the mall walkway to catch my breath after being exposed to the neon diarrhea on the walls of the shoe department. Dare I attempt another store?

This time I just looked inside the window to the Finish Line. My dreams of new sneakers drifted away in the sea of neon vomit splattered along the shoe shelves inside.

Blechhh.

At the risk of permanent damage, my fiancé dragged me into Dick’s Sporting Goods for one last shot. It was there that I found one, and I mean ONE, pair of shoes that didn’t make me want to dry heave. They were the last pair in my size. I snagged them immediately.

We have a winner! No 80s flashbacks here. My appetite is slowly returning.

Thank goodness. Guess there will be no need to run into Walmart and hunt down a can of Aquanet (do they still sell that stuff?), a curling iron and some stick-in shoulder pads. I can cancel the perm appointment too. Phew.

Off to the gym in my new sneakers!

On the couch, sick as a dog, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I can’t even rummage up the strength to go out by the pool and get a tan. That’s how I know I’m really sick.

So I’m sitting here watching the movie Mannequin, circa 1987, with Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall, and several things are crossing my mind:

–          Hair styles have certainly evolved over the years, and my non-existent bangs are very thankful for that.

–          There really aren’t that many “new” styles in clothing; the styles just get recycled every twenty to thirty years.

–          And last, but with the most impact on me at the moment, this movie is 25 years old. And I was alive and just about old enough to remember when it was cool.

This last thought kind of unsettles me. I suddenly feel like my heart is in my stomach. A part of me wishes I was right back there in 1987, just a kid with no worries, wearing my fabulous neon stylings, black gummy bracelets and curling up my big bangs so that I could try to look as awesome as my big sister.

And so I find myself asking the following questions:

–          Am I allowing what’s left of my youth to fly by without actually stopping to smell the roses a little?

–          Do I spend just a bit too much time thinking about my job, my bills, plans for the future, and not enough time taking all the small pleasures of life every day?

–          Shit, am I about to run out of Kleenex?

I don’t know. Maybe this is just a result of all the Dayquil I’ve been taking in an effort to get some air out of at least one of my stuffed up nostrils. Maybe I really just need a nap.

All I know is, as soon as I get better, I plan to hop in my car, roll down all the windows, blast a sweet 80s mix from my iPod, and cruise through the city while taking a deep breath of the beautiful nearly-summer air (hopefully through my nose by then, haha). And I will appreciate every moment of it, especially since I don’t have to worry that the breeze will mess up my bangs. 🙂